Fare thee well world. It was nice knowing you. I've been dreading and preparing for the Apocalypse for years, now. I can stop the nervous waiting since the world as we know it is finally coming to a close. Good thing I've got all my business in order. I wracked up a pretty hefty debt to go to college, but lucky me won't have to pay that back since there won't be any banks to come after me. Haha. Suckers. I planned that one well, if I do say so myself. What else? I've been using my gardening spade to carve out a bunker beneath our rental home and stocked it full of supplies: canned food, ammunition, enough rice to feed China, enough Charmin to keep that goofy family of bears happy for years, board games, headlamps, cots, soap, toothpaste, batteries, peanut butter, propane, Dip'n'Dots. I thought of the bunker when my roommate reminded me that we live across the street from the hospital. If it's a zombie apocalypse that hits, we will be the first to go. Good point. We don't have enough time to make a run for it. We just have to settle down where we are, wait it out, strategize based on the current situation, then make a move. We've got to get to the mountains somehow. We'll survive. If only I could disguise my car so no one thinks it's a car and takes it during the chaos. Even in the garage they could obviously recognize it as a car. Maybe I'll paint it like a tool shed. Ya, that might work. Or a rabbit hutch. Paint little bunnies on it behind bars. That's an option. Too bad Christmas is so close. Oh! That reminds me, to keep everyone's cheer up, maybe I should move the tree and the lights to the basement. That old generator could keep it aglow for a while. But would it make too much noise? I saw all those ridiculous kids out last night having their shananigans when they should've been preparing! Liquor or life people! I am going to miss a good pool game here and there, though. Maybe we could commandeer a bar at some point. Nah, I'll think about that later. First things first. If we start to run out of food, which do we eat first, the dog or the cat?
*In no way, shape, or form is this intended to offend anyone. Just getting down to the real in's and out's of serious business here!