DU Parents Blog

The Presidential Debate - the Student Perspective

Parents,

We thought you would enjoy this post from one of our most involved (and just plain fantastic!) students, Gergana Kostadinova. Read about her experience at the 1st Presidential Debate of 2012, held just a few weeks ago at DU.

Attending the Presidential Debate at the University of Denver was an unforgettable, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. When a friend texted me on Monday morning to let me know that my name had been called during the student lottery drawing, I was beyond ecstatic! I spent the rest of the day checking my email every 5 minutes until I received an official email notifying me that I had indeed been selected.

I promptly confirmed my intention to attend and excitedly awaited Wednesday afternoon. In the meantime, I tried to maintain my focus on academic requirements of the week, but the excitement of attending the Presidential Debate was pretty overwhelming, especially when I found out that I had been referred to various media sources to speak regarding my experience leading up to and following the Debate. 

It is hard for me to believe that the Presidential Debate took place on campus nearly a month ago. Every time I walk into Magness Arena I think back to what the entire experience was like, and it is still a bit hard for me to believe that I was able to participate in such a unique opportunity. As I sit in the student section at hockey games, I am constantly reminded of what it was like to sit in that same student section, but observing an entirely different type of event. Rather than cheering for the Pioneers, I was secretly cheering on one of the candidates (but not audibly, of course, since Jim Lehrer instructed the audience not to make any noise during the Debate itself). During my last four years at the University of Denver, I have been able to participate in some great events and listen to tremendous speakers on campus, but nothing quite compares to the Presidential Debate. The atmosphere on campus leading up to the Debate was incredible, as staff, faculty, and students spent months preparing for all the activities that took place. 

Whether watching the Debate in person, or at the DebateFest and viewing party on campus, DU students were listening very closely to what the candidates were saying. That sparked a variety of discussions following the Debate, and I also think it motivated students to watch the following Presidential Debates and Vice-Presidential Debate as well. I think this has been especially true for undergraduate students who are voting for the first time this year, since they had the opportunity to participate in such a unique part of the political process.  Given the current political climate in the United States, it has been interesting to observe how it has influenced our own campus and what students are doing to become involved in the Presidential Election process. For some students, that involves putting up political posters in their residence hall rooms, or sporting buttons on their backpacks or proudly decorating their laptops with stickers in support for one of the candidates. Other students have gone a step further by volunteering or interning for local campaign offices and recruiting other DU students to help during phone banks or canvassing events.

Regardless of their involvement, it has been my impression that most students are excited about the Presidential Election, and I believe that this sentiment has been amplified by hosting the Presidential Debate on campus. I can also say pretty confidently that at the very least, everyone is looking forward to November 7th for one common reason, regardless of their political affiliation: the end of political ads on TV, the internet, Pandora stations, etc!

This is the second time that I am casting a vote for a Presidential candidate, and I hope that the excitement I experienced this time and in 2008 will carry on every time I cast a vote, whether for local, state, or national elections. I will always remember exactly where I was when I voted for the very first time, and I will always remember my experience in attending the first Presidential Debate at the University of Denver on October 3rd, 2012. That date will forever be etched into my memory, and the entire experience will remain incomparable.  

 

You Get Out What You Put In

A lot has been spoken, written and taught about faith, religion, spiritual growth and heading off to college.  With each new generation and with each new freshman class that change is inevitable.  But, how much change has there really been?

Often as a society we focus on the minutia of the day in and day out.  The days’ events taken in by 30 second sound bites; the good, the bad and the ugly, if you will.  But, when we take a step back to view the world with broader perspective, things aren’t that different. 

Things might be more open, transparent and social in 2012, but I would guarantee issues plaguing the Class of 1965 still surface with the class of 2015.  The youth of today still want to change the world.  They have mighty dreams.  They have deep uncertainties.  So did the Class of 1965…

This brings us to the topic at hand.  As a freshman student, many times away from home for the first time, there are more choices than good sense.  The “road less traveled,” etc.  It’s easy to follow the path of not going to class, not becoming part of your new campus and not exposing yourself to new things.  It’s easy to just go through the motions.  But, it is hard not to chase after all that Colorado offers, too.  Those ski slopes always beckon.  What’s happening in Boulder?  We are so close to Aspen!  Been there, done that…

Young adults who experience growth in spirituality during their undergraduate experience are more likely to have higher grade-point averages and pursue graduate studies, Helen Astin said, citing an eight-year study that resulted in her latest book, “Cultivating the Spirit: How College Can Enhance Students’ Inner Lives.”

Is there an organization that can foster this growth in a positive way and allow for it all to happen?

I think there is.  My son, Andrew, came to DU as a freshman with the same uncertainties, but with a foundation; he did have his years of Wild Life and Young Life behind him.  When he arrived on the DU campus he discovered even more opportunities with which to surround himself; but, now at a much higher level.  Rather than a participant, he learned to be a leader.  For him, Young Life fostered those opportunities.

He has traveled to Central and South America and during those travels, he met up with other Young Life leaders.  He has led Young Life campers along many trails in Colorado with his new-found leadership skills.  I believe he has made an important difference in the lives of others, but more importantly, I know they have made a difference in his life, too!

Finally, I can also tell you, Andrew’s academic experience has been enhanced by these responsibilities away from campus.  He has taken the time to apply for and has received grants and scholarships during his time at DU.  As a witness, I would link much of his growth to his involvement in the Young Life organization.  It’s been a win-win.  He has made an imprint on Young Life and Young Life has made an impression on him. 

True for the class of 1965 as much as it is today for the class of 2015, you get out what you put in.  Things really haven’t changed that much, have they?

Tom Cryer - parent of Andrew Cryer, current DU student

Safety on Campus

In light of the tragic and senseless shooting that recently occurred in Aurora, Colorado, and as a neighbor of the city of Aurora, all of us at DU send our deepest sympathies and condolences to everyone affected by this event.

We understand families may have concerns about safety in Denver, but we want to assure you that these types of incidents are very rare. The Denver metro area, as well as the DU campus, are considered among the safest in the United States. 

Please know that our Department of Campus Safety is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to assist in all emergencies and calls for service. They also provide walking escorts for any member of our community who does not wish to walk alone on campus after dark. We have nearly 50 emergency phones on campus, all marked with a blue light for easy visibility, and the University regularly offers self-defense classes for interested individuals.

Additionally, we encourage all students to sign up for emergency notifications. These notifications/alerts are designed to alert students via email, phone, voice mail, text message, and PDA in the event of an emergency on campus. Students can sign up to receive these alerts through the Office of Emergency Preparedness.

In times of need, the University also provides resources for students and members of our community. We have listed a few below for future reference.

• Health and Counseling Center
• Office of the Chaplain
• Campus Safety

 

 

Parent to Parent -- What Parents Discover at Orientation

I’m sure that September 2 is already circled on your calendar!  That’s the day that new DU students can move into their residence halls, and your adventure begins officially.  (For those of you whose students are commuters, YOUR excitement begins on Monday, September 3.)

I don’t want to repeat here what you can already access via other links – most notably http://www.du.edu/studentlife/discoveries/documents/ParentFamilyWebSchedule2012.pdf, for those of you who haven’t found it yet.  Clicking on this link leads you directly to the Parent and Family Orientation Schedule for 2012.  Although, in my view, it’s all fun and informative, I would like to highlight several sessions that I consider “not to be missed.” 

1)       The Guide to Student Life session on Monday morning – you will have a chance to meet the key players in Student Life.  These folks will be important for your students, but can also be a great help to you if you have unexpected challenges as a family and need help quickly.  If you can put a name with a face, that is a good thing!

2)      The Resource Fair on the Ritchie Center Concourse from noon to 3 on Monday – there will be programs and services at the fair that you wouldn’t even imagine are available to support students and families.  Now is a good time to collect information, even for programs like the Cherrington Global Scholars Program that will be a couple of years down the road for your student.  Planning is everything!

3)      The Student/Parent and Family Panel on Monday afternoon – a good session for pure, unscripted “straight talk” from people who have gone before you.

4)      The Provost and Dean Reception Monday evening – this is a great chance to meet the academic leadership and to ask specific questions about curriculum options.  College has changed significantly in just one generation.  Find out for yourself!

5)      Pioneer Passage on Tuesday morning – this is a fabulous event.  Seeing all of the first-year students come together for the first time as a class is really fun.  You’ll get a chance to hear from the Chancellor and other campus leaders – you can really feel the college passage taking place for your students during this event.

6)      Helen Johnson’s talk – if you’re thinking about an early departure, I encourage you to re-consider.  Helen’s talk is perhaps the most useful, powerful part of parent and family orientation.  Her talk is stunningly good.

7)      Chancellor’s Q & A – if you haven’t had a chance to hear Chancellor Coombe speak, or ask him your particular question, here’s your chance.  This is an informal Q & A session, no holds barred.

By the time you leave DU, I think you will feel confident that you are leaving your children in good hands.  DO leave!  It’s tempting to linger, but you will embarrass your students if you do, and you will be communicating the message that you are NOT confident that they’re OK.  As I wrote in the Family Handbook, it’s important for you to make your goodbyes short and sweet!  I am a crier myself, so I sympathize totally with those of you who will have a lump in your throat the entire last day.  But set the tone you want your child to take – have the serious talks before you come to campus.  On the day of your departure for home, your role is to be upbeat and encouraging. 

Come back soon – Parents and Family Weekend is October 26-27!

Meanwhile, cherish the precious present!

Jo Calhoun

 

Parent to Parent – Learning the Campus Landscape

As families new to DU, you will be learning the campus landscape alongside your son or daughter.  This month we want to cover three topics that address families’ most common questions:

Is the campus safe?

A few years ago at a Chancellor’s Question and Answer session for prospective students and their parents, on the topic of campus safety, a mother asked, “Have you ever considered building a fence around the perimeter of the DU campus?”  She spoke aloud what many of us wish secretly – that we could just wrap our children up in a secure environment to keep them safe from harm. 

DU will always be an open community, not closed off from the Denver metro area, which is, after all, a valuable part of our students’ education.  One of the reasons the Undergraduate Student Government Association continues to support RTD (transportation) passes for students is to encourage students’ exploration of Denver and its environs.

Although we fall short of being a padlocked, gated community, we care deeply about the safety of our students.  DU has a robust Campus Safety operation.  We encourage you to look at their website, http://www.du.edu/campussafety/index.html, for detailed information about their programs and services.  Multiple “blue light” emergency phones are located across campus and monitored by Campus Safety 24 hours a day.  In addition, Campus Safety emphasizes the importance of emergency preparedness, and will be highly visible during Discoveries Week to talk with new students about that.  Please encourage your students to sign up to receive emergency notifications at http://www.du.edu/emergency/notification/index.html. 

The campus rarely experiences violent crime.  Students are more likely to be victims of “crimes of opportunity” after leaving their purses, backpacks, bikes or computers unattended and/or unsecured.  You can help by setting expectations with your students about being attentive to their belongings.  Risks increase if students engage in excessive substance use or do not travel in groups at night.  Encourage your students to be cautious and attentive to their surroundings. 

Campus Safety also offers a valuable Rape Aggression Defense program for students; learning self-defense skills will help them feel more secure both on and off campus.

What resources are available to my student on campus?

One of the advantages of DU’s size is that students have access to small classes, mentoring, and support.  Please keep track of the Family Handbook that you will receive this summer.  It’s hard to know now what resources your students may need in the coming year.  But if/when they need help quickly, the Family Handbook can be your “go to” guide.  If you are still not clear about starting points or you prefer person-to-person contact, it’s always appropriate to call the Office of Parent Relations, 303-871-2744 or 303-871-3708, for guidance.

Our experience is that students will walk by resource offices (many located in the Driscoll Student Center) and perhaps take note of them, but think to themselves “that place looks interesting, but it’s not for me.”   You can help by coaching your student to take the initiative to walk through open doors, to ask questions, to be fearless about seeking help.  They will find that faculty and staff members are receptive and eager to support them.

DU can feel like a complicated place to students.  You can be a wonderful source of support for them by helping decipher the administrative campus maze.  In addition to the Office of Parent Relations, two excellent “one-stop shops” for students are The Center for Academic Resources in Driscoll South under the bookstore (the front desk staff there can direct students to appropriate help) and the Office of Student Outreach and Support.  Its Director, Michael Johnson, is housed in the Office of Campus Life on the upper level of Driscoll North – he can be reached at 303-871-4724.

How can I get involved at DU?

First, about involvement in your student’s life.  Perhaps the best metaphor for parents of college students is to think of yourself as a coach.  Coaches are absolutely crucial to the growth and development of their charges.  But circumstances dictate when it’s appropriate – or even legal – to go onto the field.  We know you know this.  You’ve had all kinds of experiences during your children’s growing-up years when you had to decide when to do something for them and when to step back and let them accomplish a new task themselves (however imperfect the result).  In college that continues.  Use your judgment, listen to your instincts.  You know your child best.  Get involved when you feel it’s important for your child’s well-being to do so.

Second, about your involvement at DU.  We regard parents as partners with us in their children’s education.  We would love to have you become a member of the Parents Association and/or to consider becoming a member of our volunteer Parents Council.  The Parents Council supports the Office of Parent Relations in planning and hosting special events like Parents and Family Weekend and Moms/Grandmoms and Dads/Granddads Weekends.  The Council also has regular conversations with the Chancellor, the Associate Provost for Student Life and other campus leaders. 

We also depend on our international network of parents to support the career search process for our students.  We would be thrilled if you could make yourself available for information interviews or prospective jobs or internships.  The encouragement of DU connections through families and alumni means the world to our students.

Finally, as you come to know the breadth and depth of the DU community, if there’s a particular project you’d like to support, please speak up. 

As you begin this process of finding your place at DU, Laura Stevens, Director of the Office of Parent Relations, 303-871-2744, would be happy to help you find your niche.

Jo Calhoun

Parent to Parent – The Summer Before College

Congratulations on your student’s high school graduation!  We hope you had a great, celebratory time as a family.  Before you know it, you and your student will be headed to DU for the first day of orientation.  The summer prior to college can be very challenging emotionally, as both parents and students strain to redefine their relationship to each other.  Students’ excitement about a new adventure is paired, under the surface, with sadness about leaving family and friends and with unexpressed fear of change.  Parents’ pride is mixed with the painful realization that their child is leaving home and things will never be quite the same in the family system.  No wonder that summer before college can be a real roller-coaster ride!

Independence is the primary theme of this stage in your student’s development.  At DU our goal is to treat our students as adults; legally, they are adults.  We believe in setting our standards high, knowing that our students are likely to step up to meet them.  Our goal is to create a civil and diverse community, one that maximizes possibilities for growth among our students.  We understand that sometimes our students are 18 years old going on 30, and sometimes they are 18 going on 12.  This is a time of such rapid growth and change.  (Remember that infancy year from zero to one?  It’s like that, only slightly less visible to the naked eye.)  

Because many students are away from parental supervision for the first time, their first year of college is a time of major stress and demanding self-regulation.   The challenges include a new wave of peer pressure, time management challenges, and residential living (lots of people in a small space!). 

At DU we have created a system of challenge and support.  We provide as much support as humanly possible to help students be successful, understanding the huge developmental leaps they are making at this age.  We make the rules as clear and as reasonable as we can to support an academic community of integrity.  And, we hold students accountable for their behavior.  Before you jump in to rescue, step back and think about the importance of students experiencing the consequences of their decisions – such an important part of growing to be a successful adult.  (See more information in the new Family Handbook you will be receiving soon.)

A Summer To-Do List for Parents and Families

• Make sure to register for Parent/Family Orientation in September. This orientation session is separate from new student orientation and is designed to answer all your questions and to give you the opportunity to meet many of the DU faculty and staff who will be interacting closely with your student. Visit www.du.edu/studentlife/Discoveries for registration information.

• Over the summer, our students will register only for their First-Year Seminar—don’t forget that the First-Year Seminar registration deadline is July 15th! Students receive a packet of information about FSEM registration in June following their deposit.  Why don’t our students register for other courses during the summer? At DU, we want students to work with a faculty mentor before registering for additional courses, so that they can make informed choices. All new students will register for their Fall Quarter courses at the end of Discoveries (new student orientation) Week. This gives students the chance to interact with lots of faculty, upper-class students and staff to answer any questions.  Students living on-campus do not receive information about their housing assignment until their First-Year Seminar registration is completed.

• Before students arrive on campus, they should verify that they have all of the updates they need on their laptop computers by visiting http://www.du.edu/uts/helpdesk/newstudent.html.  Once students arrive on campus, they will receive information about how to connect to DU wireless.  University Technology Services will be available in JMAC and Centennial Towers residence halls to answer students’ questions.

• Talk about expectations with your student. Now is a good time.  What have you decided about your student having a car on campus? How are finances going to be handled? Will the student open a checking account?  What about spending money?  How will you get information about your student’s grades? What are your expectations about those grades? How often will you talk by phone?  What about alcohol, safety, relationships, or other issues?  Talking about these things now can help set clear expectations and facilitate communication regarding tough issues once your student is at DU.

• Do your homework on DU’s resources. You can be a helpful referral source when your student needs guidance on campus. You can learn more about DU offices and resources in the Family Handbook that will be mailed to you this summer.

• Support your student in arranging to have individual needs met. Arranging necessary services for students with a learning disability, mental illness or physical condition is best done before you arrive on campus.  DU welcomes students with disabilities and employs a staff with substantial experience in supporting students.  Help them help you by organizing documentation and giving them ample notice of your students’ needs.  College is the time for your students to begin to advocate for themselves (if they haven’t done so already), and to find their own voice to articulate their needs

• Take time to think about your evolving relationship with your student.  Just as your student may feel excited, anxious and fearful about starting college, you may be experiencing similar contradictory feelings, as well. This is a period of huge adjustment for you as a parent/family member. Your mixed feelings of joy and sorrow, pride and loss are normal. There will be a void in the family, and some roles may shift—especially if younger siblings are still at home. Think intentionally about how you can support your student’s growing independence.  And, it’s a good time to take care of yourself!  Refocus on your own hobbies and interests; consider how you want to spend this next stage of your life. Remember that your student still needs you and loves you, even if he or she doesn’t express it openly or often.

Enjoy your time together this summer, and trust the transition process.  All will be well!

Jo Calhoun

Parent to Parent – MILESTONES

I will never forget the first day we drove onto campus – my freshman son, my husband and I.  We arrived early, so that he could join his sports team for a week of practice prior to new student orientation.  He sprang out of the car and never looked back.  Sure, we stayed and helped him unpack, met the roommate, had a meal or two.  But he couldn’t focus on us.  He hardly had a word to say, except thanks for the Walmart run, and have a safe trip home.  We were 50 miles down the road towards home before I burst into tears.  As much as we had all looked forward to this day – had planned for it, had hoped for it, I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest (and, most likely, tucked in my son’s backpack).  It took me many miles to re-collect myself – and then I was fine – but changed.  A chapter in our life as a family was over.  And a wonderful new one had begun.

You never forget every single detail of those milestone days with your children, starting the day they were born, continuing on to the first day of school, the first accident, the first serious illness, the first prom.  And now, you are about experience another first – bringing your child to college.  Your first day may not be like mine was, but I know that as parents we share the overwhelmingly poignant, tender feelings that come with reaching this milestone.

I participated in the first day of new student orientation twice as a parent, with my son and my daughter.  I have participated in the first day of new student orientation over 30 times on the receiving end, as a Student Life professional.  I was one of those people to whom you entrust your children when you drive away from campus.  Working with college students for over 30 years was one of the richest experiences of my life, and certainly one of the highest honors.  I retired last spring after serving on college campuses in New York and Iowa, and, for the past several years, at the University of Denver. 

In the coming months, I will share with you my perspective as a parent and as an agent of the University through Admission’s newsletters and parent blogs.  We will focus on two kinds of information – first, reflections on the journey of parenting a college student and second, strategies that we think will help you help your student prepare to join the DU community.  In June, we will look at preparing for your son’s or daughter’s arrival on campus; in July, we will share information about how you might choose to be involved on campus, and will also cover some on-campus issues like student support and safety; in August, we will provide a more detailed overview on what you can expect during Discoveries (DU’s new student orientation week), and I’ll share some advice on that painful parting process.

Recently, Laura Stevens, Director of Parent Relations, and I partnered on a new Family Handbook.  By the end of June, you will be receiving that handbook, along with a wonderful DU calendar and lots of other information geared for parents.  I hope you will have time to read this material.  Many of your questions will be answered there – some of the most common we will address again here.  In addition, you should always feel free to call the Office of Parent Relations at 303-871-2744 or 303-871-3708 and/or to check their website, www.du.edu/studentlife/parents/.  Laura Stevens and her assistant Sharon McGregor Bond are the best “one-stop shop” for parents on campus. 

Even as you read this, hundreds of DU staff and faculty are preparing for DU’s Fall 2012 class.  They are excited!  We hope you are, too.  Participating in these milestones in our children’s lives is one of the nicest rewards of being a parent.  Just bring your Kleenex!

Jo Calhoun

Associate Provost for Academic Resources

University of Denver

2000-2011

 

Dealing with Doubts: Reflections from a DU Parent

By Lauren Knight, Parent of Jennifer Brown, DU '11

Remember when the days of diaper changing and stroller pushing seemed to go on and on? Frequent comments from total strangers such as, “It goes by in the blink of an eye,” seemed annoying and ridiculous to an overtired new parent. What did they know? And yet now, as I recall her orientation at DU in September of 2008, it does feel like her childhood and adolescence went by all too quickly. 

Parents realize intellectually that their children are growing up, but it takes a while to catch up emotionally. It is our goal as parents, after all, to push that baby bird out of the nest and watch her fly, right? But we are the “helicopter parent” generation – the ones who knew each homework assignment, attended countless soccer games and ice hockey practices. Geography and technology can foster this continued attachment between parent and child, which is fine as long as the parent is still able to physically and emotionally let go and allow that child to find his or her own way.

My daughter was accepted at several colleges nearby in New England, including my alma mater. She chose DU, a thirty-hour, 2,000-mile drive or a five-hour flight from home, and a school we had only seen online. She went to Revisit Day without us, and her experience was so positive that there was no talking her out of it. We’d just have to trust her decision.

Doubts crept into our minds: How could we let her go so far away? Would she be safe? Why would she want to leave us? How were we going to deal with our conflicting desires? My summer at the beach had an undertow of strained emotions best left unsaid. She chirped about the wonder and challenge of living in a different part of the country, the club sports, sorority life, the small class size, and the Cherrington Global Scholars study abroad programs she hoped to do. Her enthusiasm expanded as my fears silently multiplied.

With some trepidation I flew from Boston to Denver with my precious 18 year old and a pile of luggage. My secret hope was that she’d give up this wild idea by winter break and transfer back East. After a substantial trip to Target and a troop of cheerful, luggage-carrying volunteers, we sat together on her bed on the 10^th floor of the Centennial Halls North looking west at the Rockies glistening in the sun. Her eyes were bright with love and excitement about this adventure as she said, “I am so happy! Thanks for letting me come here!”

As hard as it was to let go, I had to remember that look on her face and realize that she was on her way to becoming her grown-up self. The University of Denver New Student Orientation Program was the remedy I needed for my blues. The featured speaker at the forum for parents, author Helen Johnson, validated my concerns and offered the advice I needed to hear: it’s time to let our kids make their own decisions. Her enlightening and humorous book became a sort of personal counselor to us at home.

I looked around and saw the campus’ natural beauty decorating this wonderful new playground where my child would continue to grow. We both loved the gracious campus and its proximity to the city without being too urban. The positive atmosphere, the enthusiastic upper classmen, the ability to really know her professors – these thoughts made it easier on the flight home to Boston. Oh, I knew I would still be there for her, despite the miles. Sometimes I had to resist the urge to offer advice. Soon I found that I liked my new role as sounding board and confidant. Thanks to Skype, our weekly video chat eased us through that first trimester.

Parents want their children to thrive and that’s exactly what we saw. Her Freshman Seminar class was outstanding and formative. She declared Political Science as her major (the academic discipline of her seminar professor) and transferred into the Honors College after the first trimester. She truly loved the academic environment, and we were relieved to see her continue to be the kind of student she was in high school.  Without our help, she simply evolved into a greater version of her younger self. When we had questions, we found the website very parent-friendly and easy to use, which enabled us to stay in the loop without being too obvious. We worked to gain a new family balance.

One great thing about the trimester calendar is the freshman transition; after 11 weeks she was home again for five weeks. It was just long enough to be away for the first time, and almost too long for her to be home. After the break she couldn’t wait to return to Denver, and at that point, we agreed with her. We have never doubted her choice since. The self-confidence she gained from the overall DU experience was exceptional. She learned how to travel safely, how to manage financially, how to navigate the world on her own…. Essentially, she became the adult we hoped she would be. She gained so much from her dynamic experiences on the ice hockey team, marathon running with the cross country team, volunteer work with her sorority, and the Cherrington Scholarship helped her take a semester at the University of Moscow, Russia. Moscow sure made Denver feel a lot closer to Boston!

Whether you send your child to a local college or to one far away, a necessary distance develops in order for that child to reach adult independence. We are thankful that despite 2,000 miles between us, our relationship has developed into one of conversations and confidences, discussions and debates. We are still her parents, but we let her make her own decisions, and that stage really began with her choice to go to Denver. When we do get together, we see a child-now-adult full of self-confidence, able to make smart decisions socially, emotionally, financially and intellectually. Always passionate about her class work, she graduated early and found an excellent job. She is genuinely happy with her friends, her choices, and her life. This is what every parent hopes for their adult children today, right?

She claims that DU prepared her to succeed and expertly guided her through the process. I agree, and I like to think DU helped us, as parents, make this a successful transition, too!

 

A Dad and Granddads weekend with my sweet girl, what could be better!

I quickly worked through some of my work issues early on Thursday morning before my noon time flight to Denver. There were impending pressing issues, all I wanted was to take a couple of days off and not think about all-consuming work, work, work.

I landed in Denver during a windy landing, swaying back and forth down the runway with each gust. I got my luggage with the extra bag of “dad-can-you-bring” items. I retrieved my car after exchanging the American freeway-floater for the more applicable all-wheel drive Subaru in anticipation of a drive to the mountains that we had planned. That girl understands so well that I would most like to drive to the mountains and see the sights.

I got to DU and met Aryn in her new room, meeting her roommates and friends, encouraged as always that they are such a great group. She is in good company.

After deciding where to dine for the evening we were off. Dinner at Root Down was wonderful.  As always it’s wonderfully exciting to be with my favorite girl and chatting about this, that and the other of what she has done and what she is going to do. Choices, choices, anticipation and more choices. Isn’t it great being a student with wide open opportunities and the whole world in front you? Yes, it’s grand!

Next day, I awoke to look at the hotel window at the mountains, magnificent. I got started a little later than planned (but I did get a workout in at the hotel) and attended the Authentic Life Lecture by Corey Ciocchetti. Wow! Every student should listen to this talk! I think that the parents may have gotten more from this then the students. But it is great for students to at least hear what is important to chase in life. I bought the book for my recently out of college son. I hope he reads it, or even a few chapters. It’s one of those things you assimilate after 30 (ie a boring adult in student years).

We gather together with Aryn’s roommate (past and current), with friends and Dad’s to dine. It was great to see Aryn’s past roommate and her father John who I met last year on the first day moving in. After a great dinner at Park Burger, we were off to the hockey game. I’m not sure the Denver team had their coffee before the first half, it was not encouraging as most of the first half activity seemed to occur around the DU goal. A slow start at best. After the half time I watched the 2nd half with Aryn and her friends from the student section. Great fun, I snagged one of the parachuted T-shirts from the upper balcony for Aryn. The first time I got one of those at any game! Yippee! DU seemed to come alive at the second half, but couldn’t quite recover from the sleepy start. At least they didn’t get skunked!

Saturday we awoke with another marvelous view of the mountains in the distance from the hotel room. Off to a light breakfast coffee and a roll at Trompeau Bakery (5 star croissants!), we head off to the mountains. Beautiful beautiful. Up and over Loveland pass. Take a short pause for pictures at the summit then down to Breckenridge. We wandered through town and stopped at Rasta Pasta for lunch; yum, curried pasta with shrimp. Wander some more through the town, ran into Aryn’s friends. Then head back to Denver with stops along the way.

Dinner at Hapa Sushi was great as always.

Sunday morning off to church with friends, then out to a simple brunch. As always, time is short and Aryn has to get back to homework and I have to get back to work. I’m off to Chicago and she’s off to the library for studies. But what a great time. I am so happy to see Aryn in good company and at the right school for her.  Life is good!

P.S. Waking the next morning in Chicago and gazing out the window is not quite the same as looking out at the mountains of Denver……

 

First Flight

When we told Sarah she could look at any school she wanted, so long as the “fit” was right, we never expected her to end up in Denver.  We figured one of the coasts, the one we live near or the one the rest of my family lives near.  Some research says that the average distance most college students go from home is 94 miles and that 85% of all students live within a six-hour drive.  Our son is a senior at Bentley, just about 100 miles away, but Sarah is 1,884 miles away from our home in Hartford, Connecticut. 

We really knew no one in Denver.  How would we get her ‘stuff’ moved there and what if she needed something?  What if she got sick?  Would it be expensive getting her back and forth (thank goodness for Southwest Airlines!).   Coping with the move and the separation was successful but held some anxious moments – for her and for us.  Like most modern parents, we’ve had to stifle the urge to take care of things for our kids.  We’ve tried to be helpful, but to really let her be in the driver’s seat.

So how have we tried to be helpful while she learned to live independently far away from home?  We’ve tried to:

• Let her initiate most of the communication, whether texting or video chats or calls. 
• Let her work out her own issues.  So the roommate situation isn’t perfect or the Resident Assistant is a little weird.  We’ve mostly resisted the urge to intervene. We’ve asked, are you looking to vent or are you looking for suggestions?  We’ve listened, downplayed the drama and urged patience.
• Make friends with our local Federal Express office.  We sent a few boxes initially and several more as we have responded to “Mom, could you send my hockey gear?” or “Could you find that black dress in my closet and mail it?  I have a dance I need it for.”
• Use the new technologies - Skyping is great. Video chat feels like you are almost there and you forget the distance. 
• Encourage her to advocate for herself.  Need a little extra help with that math class?  Find a tutor.   Want to meet new friends?  Look for a new sport or a club to join.  Get out there, do it for yourself. 

We miss her but the empty nest has some great features!  

Connie Williams, parent of future 2015 DU graduate