Given a piece of paper, what is a story that you would like to share about yourself at this moment?
---- Human Project Series
Episode 1. Home Sweet Home?
This project is inspired by Humans of New York and What’s your story? (The Stranger’s Project). Individuals from DU’s international community are invited to write down their stories. The aim of this project is to give voices to individuals of this hypervisible community on DU campus and also to break stereotypes by highlighting individual experience. Without further ado, let’s jump right in.
Our very first storyteller is Joy Pan, my human diary/best friend who is ready (or not ready) to graduate in 2 weeks.
(Her original script will be followed by a typed text)
Typed Text:
Home Sweet Home?
Joy Pan
During the past few years of schooling in the U.S., once I was figured out of being “international,” one most frequent and yet formidable question following has always been, “Do you plan to return home or stay here after graduation?” I have been struggling for the perfect answer to this seemingly easy either-or question, but when I finally found the answer last month – going home! – here comes another tough yes-no question, “Are you excited?”
I can already picture the excitement on my parents’ face as if I have gotten off a spaceship rather than a plane. But in terms of the magnitude of my excitement, on a scale of 1 to 10, it’s around -7, -10 being “terrified.”
I have been in the American academic setting for slightly over four years, and although I have visited families once or even twice a year and of course I have friends who speak Chinese here, the Mandarin I speak has been pretty elementary and banal. Having to translate my thoughts into Chinese jargon actually will prove to be a huge challenge; oftentimes I feel like even my master’s degree – International and Intercultural Communication – is lost in translation when I attempt to explain what has been the generator of my transformation during the past years.
I will also soon realize that while I am away, most of my friends have moved on with their lives and are getting married, moving into new apartments, getting promoted, and having children. The conflicting forces of wanting to fit in and keeping my autonomy in decision-making will have to be the theme for the next few years.
The inconsistency of expectation and reality not only results from families’ lack of interest of my “when I was abroad” stories but also comes into play when they expect me to take no time to get back into the swing of things at home. Unfortunately, re-entry does not work the same way as a mode switch. It may take little time to realize kitchen counter is lower, fridges are smaller, traffic is louder, but it takes a bit to get used to the constant change of plan and limited access to the updated information.
As a metathesiophobic having zero tolerance of risks and uncertainty, I have always believed that cultural adjustment of any kind is like a flying trapeze: we must eventually let go of the rope we are holding onto in order to reach out and grab the next rope swinging before us. There will be a moment when we are suspended between the two ropes, wondering if we will survive the transition or fall to the nets below. I realized no matter how many times I leave and come back, the transition from rope to rope will always be scary and clunky. But if we return home with a traveler’s heart, always seeking something excitingly new, we will find satisfaction in the flying trapeze art.
By a fish not ready to go back to water
Xiaoyi Zhu - M.A. candidate in International and Intercultural Communication;
concentrations: Intercultural Training and Conflict Resolution